Urban Dictionary Gets It Right Again

Today I have fake nails on, so I can't type properly, which has left me looking up definitions for slang online. The top 10 most spot on UD definitions.

chav

Picture this a young lad about 12 years of age and 4 ½ feet high baseball cap at ninety degrees in a imitation addidas tracksuit, with trouser legs tucked into his socks (of course, is definitely the height of fashion). This lad is strutting around, fag in one hand jewellery al over the over, outside McDonalds acting as if he is 8 foot tall and built like a rugby player, when some poor unsuspecting adult (about 17/18) walks round the corner wanting to go to mcdonalds for his dinner glances at the young lad, the young lad jumps up in complete disgust and says “Whats your problem? Wanna make sommin of it? Bling Bling” when the adult starts to walk towards the young lad, the young lad pisses himself and runs off to either his pregnant 14-year-old girlfriend or his brother in the army crying his eyes out.

My mate has become a chav what can i do? answer is shoot him before it is too late

SPOT ON

Narnia

A place so far in the closet, Justin Bieber isn't even there.

Narnia...a place so far in the closet, Justin Bieberisn't even there.

SPOT ON

Justin Bieber

A 15 year old who looks like and sounds like a 10 year old. (hasn't hit puerberty yet) who has made one song called "One Time" where he throws a party at ushers house with no alchol or weed. just a clean party. the song sounds like a little kid screaming at you on xbox live.The truth is all the girls care about his looks. (blonde hair brown eyed skater faggot) he is the worst thing to come to music since the jonas brothers, hanna montana, and naked brothers band.

hey that song sounds like a dying cat

naw.. its my little sister listening to justin bieber

SPOT ON

boybelieber

A guy who tells girls that they are beliebers just so they can get laid. They've usually done a lot of research so that they're ready to hold out through an everlasting and stupid discussion about how hot Justin Bieber is.

Belieber: OMG!!!!111 Justin Bieber is so damn hot!<333 
Boybelieber: I totally agree! That kid has so much talent! 
Belieber: :D <3 Want to have sex? 
Boybelieber: Sure! 
Boybelieber (to himself):Gotcha!

SPOT ON

love

nature's way of tricking people into reproducing

SPOT ON

One Direction

Another mind-numbing over-hyped, under-talented pop group made up of complete nobodies who won't have a career in five years time and won't even be remembered two years after that.

Typically listened to by pre-pubescent children and young teenagers who have no taste in music and will eat up what ever rubbish is served to them. Typical music listened to is the likes of JLS, The Wanted and other god-awful mainstream nonsense.

One Direction fan: OMG!!! Have you heard of one direction?! They are like soooo kewelsiez!! I <3 Them!!!

Metal Head 1: One Direction? Yeah, STRAIGHT INTO THE BARGAIN BIN!!!! LOLZ!!! NEXT!!!! \m/

Metal Head 2: Erm, have YOU heard of DECENT MUSIC??? Jesus, what a load of utter shite!!!

SPOT ON

Pop Music

Probably the worst, most degrading music on earth. Simple, fake beats and talentless singers do not make for good music, yet this shit is eaten up by teenyboppers and the mainstream. The lyrics suck as well.

I refuse to listen to radio due to this pop music.

SPOT ON

Sorry Not Sorry

3. Something stupid, bitchy girls say to make excuses for saying stupid and bitchy things.

I throw out perfectly good food when people are starving in Africa, sorry not sorry.

My boyfriend checked you out, I'm glad your mom has cancer, sorry not sorry.

SPOT ON

Directioner

A psychotic barbarian who is obsessed with the boy band, One Direction. They are the deadliest of all fandoms. They are rude and crazy, hating on girls who meet 1D and not letting new fans into their "fandom" (as it's very exclusive apparently). The only way you can be considered a Directioner is if you have watched One Direction since X Factor and know every single little inside joke there is to know. Once you have that down, there is a rule book. Yes, they are so crazy that to be in their fandom, you must follow the rule book. Break one of the rules, and you will be considered a "Directionator". Once you have been labeled that, they will call you stupid and say things like "oh, you must be new here", or "omg how dare you say Niall is the ugly one."

Directioners all have tumblrs and no social life. They spend hours reblogging pictures of 1D and making gifs of the same stuff over and over. They say things like,"I would love to break tables with Zayn" or "OMG my ovaries just exploded." They also think that jokes from 2 years ago are still funny. i.e. Carrots, spoons, and pussy. Directioners are robots who think that One Direction have no flaws and in their eyes are "absolutely perfect". If you just started to like One Direction after their first single came out, then you are not a proper Directioner.

"OMG I bawled my eyes out after I found out what Moments was really about!!"

"OMG Zayn's new haircut... R.I.P. ovaries."

"We can't use spoons. We love Nandos."

"OMG Louis was so funny at that part! Oh, and this part! And that!"

"I know exactly where the boys will be tomorrow. I'm going to go wait there for hours just so I can meet them!"

"Directioners know they are all gay for each other!!"

The amount of hate this dude got for that definition was insane. Pretty much all along the lines of 'go fucking die you fucking cunt'.

ANYWAY

Swagger Jagger

A miss interpretation/ Miss hearing of "Swagger Jacker".

Commonly misheard by uneducated, illiterate teenagers, who think they are "Gangstar as F***".

The term is infact Swagger JACKER: Someone who "Jacks" your look, style, sound etc... Taking it and passing it of as their own look/Material/ Shit, Etc.... 
"Yagetme"?

If they spent more time listening and less time chatting shit they might manage to look a bit more "in" and less like the wet drip that they truly are.

Cher Lloyd hs produced a terrible CD using the miss interpretation "Swagger Jagger" Thus making her both a national laughing stock and an embarrassment to this country.

MISS INTERPRETATION: "Hnnnggggg, huh huh. check u owt lookina me cos im sumfink u wansa be me u is a pure swagger Jagger. get ya own shit".

CORRECTION: 
"Help! Help! Someone call the police. Someone has HighJACKED my swagger and I would like it back with immediate effect. It still had all my best bling on it and my only limp".

"Excuse me officer, that young man over the street looks to be scoping to jack someone else's swagger and I believe him to be a professional swagger Jacker. Please look into it further as I have been practising my swagger for many years and wish to keep it in the family".

Sarcasm

I can't be asked today so I thought I'd provide you with band-related sarcasm.

NO CHILDREN

YES FAKE WILL FERRELL ACCOUNT

SERIOUSLY THOUGH, WTF IS THAT OUTFIT?

HM...

EMINEM IS A FAR BETTER RAPPER IF YOU'RE INTO THAT SHIT, AND FALLING IN REVERSE IS NOT METAL, I ACTUALLY HATE THE GUTS OF WHOEVER MADE THIS

I LOVE WHOEVER MADE THIS

IT READS 'DESIGNED FOR HUMANS' IF YOU CAN'T SEE

Weird Conversations with Directioners

I recently engaged in a really bizarre troll war with a series of Directioners on a website. I'll change their names for anonymity etc, but yeah. I'll just say, I'm really bad for this, I engage in arguments really easily.

I POST A PICTURE A PICTURE OF FALL OUT BOY AND NIRVANA MERCH THAT HAS ONE DIRECTION'S PICTURES AND LOGO'S EDITED INTO THEM.

ME AND A FEW OTHER REASONABLE PEOPLE TALK ABOUT HOW IT MUST BE A BREACH OF COPYRIGHT.

Amy (yndo): Ya guys are so mean
(RANDOM COOL GIRL THAT LIKES PARAMORE): We're not being mean here, it's them. They stole things that belong to other band! Not cool, not gonna earn my respect. But hey, just proving my point about how they aren't original.

Amy (yndo): Well ya.... But still saying that they (haven't) got talent is rude..

Louise Xx (me): Do you realise how the directioners told a five year old to kill herself? How rude we must be. 
This is not only a violation of copyright but a breach of moral dedication, by a band that are autotuned to such an extent they'd be unrecognisable in person.

Amy (yndo): Well your saying the directioners are rude! Don't say the one direction is rude and untalented cuz that's not true or else they wouldn't have been signed

Me: Really? They wouldn't have been signed? Do you realise the X Factor is an over decorated talent show who'd sign anyone with a nice face for the pure purpose of selling bubblegum fake pop to a bunch of musically illiterate preteen children?

Amy (yndo): Not really.... 

Amy (yndo): To be honest that is your thought!!! So many great artists got signed cuz the X Factor

Me: Lists? Little Mix, the band who's been enveloped in controversy due to the excessive voice altering? Jedward, the young Irish kids who've mistakenly been turned into a mockery by people they were instructed to trust? Or the hundred and one other nobodies that the show wheeled out?

COOL PARAMORE GIRL: Amy, get of the board please. You arguing your point is pointless, and now you're making me mad. Just get off.

Amy (yndo): INSULTS ME THEN DELETES POST

Me: (refusing to give up in the troll war) And perhaps you should research grammar rules to improved your advantages in arguments rather than personally insulting people for simply not liking a band.

Amy (yndo): Darling.. If I wanted a grammar class I would take it!!

Me: I suggest you do because I really can't take you seriously when you don't use it. And please don't call me darling. 

Amy (yndo): Well that's just you...!!

Me: What is it exactly that's 'just me'?

Amy: Well... your opinion!

Me: And that would be? The opinion that grammar is important, because I believe that's an opinion shared with the English education system, or the opinion that every X Factor export is talentless, because I know there are a whole lot of hate boards and an entire Rage Against the Machine movement that would support that.

Amy: Haha listen, I'm on summer break and away from school... I can do/say anything I want!! Ok? Good!

Me: Perhaps you should practice what you preach and leave us to obtain the opinion that 1D are a calamity upon our society.

Amy: I DON'T PREACH! Maybe you should start learning what could hurt other peoples religion!

WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.

Me: It's a phrase. It doesn't refer to religion in any aspect. I'm an atheist anyways, so I didn't mean it in a religious sense.

Amy: Well other people might not know that!!!

Me: The general population is aware of the phrase 'practice what you preach'. Anyways, this conversation is dead, considering the fact that you've resorted to personal insults in the hope you'll gain precedence over me. I'm gonna go listen to a worthwhile band such as Nirvana, goodbye.

Amy: Haha, you are funny!!! Byeee darling!!

COOL PARAMORE GIRL INTERJECTS WITH EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT VIEW ON DIRECTIONERS WHO PROWL FOR HATE BOARDS.

Compared to TROLL WAR TWO, this girl was a fucking genius. Paramore girl is also involved in Troll War Two. We're like a team against shitty music.

I POST RANDOM DISS ABOUT 1D

H: (Asks me why I hate 1D)

Me: (I repeat myself)

H: (Accepts it, tells me she disagrees but respects opinions.)

Me: No probs.

H: (Repeats earlier comment)

Me Okay. Cool.

OH DEAR. HERE'S THE GIRL I WAS ON ABOUT.

1L: We'll DA FABULOUIS person has arrived and they never told a five year old to kill herself yet I had to explain to my cousin what self harming was since she was asking

(I earlier referred to the situation in which Directioners launched an attack against Mitch Lucker's 5 year old daughter Kenadee.)

Me: They told Mitch Lucker's daughter to kill herself. 

1L: They wouldn't since its about not cutting or killing yourself ain't possible mate

Louise Xx: I'll link you to a post with the evidence to prove it.

-

1L: (talking about the multiple people saying shit about Mitch Lucker) That shitface isn't a fan no fan would say that only the ones that are on drugs would

COOL PTV FAN: There's a lot of Directioners all up on Mitch and Alex (Gaskarth)'s cases

1L: Really??!!? I'm just a fan who hates on the haters who hate to much

Me: These are all several different people so infatuated with the anything vaguely 1D related that they would say things like that and I find it shocking that you would dare defend a fanbase that threatens small children.

Me: (REALISES GIRL IS INSANE AND TRIES DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD) Grand philosophical question- if you hate haters, are you a hater?

ATTEMPT IS IGNORED

1L: WELL NOT ALL OF US THREATENS SMALL CHILDREN DO YOU SEE EVERY SINGLE DIRECTIONER ON TWITTER THREATENING PEOPLE!!!!!? I STICK UP FOR THE FANS WHO ARE GETTING HATED ON!!

COOL PTV FAN: No offense to you personally 1L, but about 70% of your fanbase is overly obsessed ten year olds.

1L: I don't hate on a daily basis.

Me: (sick of this fucking bitch) Calm the fuck down, due to the atrocity of the hate from your fanbase, you really don't have any moral ground to stand on here.

1L: The ten year olds don't have social media

Me: And (COOL PTV FAN) is completely correct. And btw Jaime Preciado is cool AF. (Refers to her profile pic.)

1L: Louise u hate on my fan base and idols i will slay you

Me: (uninterested) Oh dear, I hope you don't caps lock me to death.

COOL PTV FAN: Jaime is fabulous isn't he xD

COOL PTV FAN: (referencing my comeback) *z snap*

Me: Haha, thank you, yes he is fabulous, as is Pierce the Veil as a band. (I'm a PTV fan, deal with it.)

1L: No just no

Me: No, to what exactly?

COOL PTV FAN: (flips) Excuse me lady? I haven't offended your favourite band, don't you DARE offend mine.

1L: This Jamie (fucking hell, it was just posted, learn to read woman) isn't fabulous and pierce the veil isn't as well

Me: I don't see any PTV fans threatening Directioners, do I?

COOL PTV FAN: Shut the fuck up and go back to your princess fandom. 

1L: U

COOL PTV FAN: Get the fuck out 1L

COOL PARAMORE GIRL: (Swoops in) Okay! I haven't read all these comments yet but (PTV FAN) chick, shut up. I hate 1D on a whole different level but 1L here obviously isn't a hater (debatable) so leave her alone! You're setting a bad name for the people who listen to our music. You say you want peace but from the looks of it that's nothing the three of you want so just stop. 1L get off this board, it's not where you belong, as for (PTV FAN) and Louise I'll read the rest and explain my POV afterwards.

Me: I agree completely (PARAMORE GIRL), I get way too het up, but in all fairness telling me she was going to kill me really wasn't necessary.

1L: (Post some shit and deletes it)

Me: 1L, this argument is completely hollow, just leave please.

PARAMORE GIRL: (turns on 1L) 1L just no. Get off now. I am a very passive person until you diss something I really care about. No asks you if you like PTV just GET OFF! Enough! Geez!

1L: (Posts something incomprehensible.)

Me: 1L? That wasn't coherent English, and Isa, Paramore rules, your taste is fabulous.

BRACE YOURSELVES FOR THE MOST UNINTELLIGENT COMMENT I'VE EVER SEEN.

IL: Coherent??? What I'm speaking English which is British English

OH MY FUCKING GOD SOCIETY DOESN'T NEED PEOPLE LIKE YOU PLEASE FLY TO THE MOON AND DON'T FUCKING BREED ON THIS EARTH.

I didn't say that, obviously.

PARAMORE GIRL: (Responds to my Paramore comment and chest bumps me via the internet because she's one cool motherfucker.

I refuse to respond to 1L because she's an ignorant twat.

You Aren't A REAL Fan!!!

I think we've all seen the fan police around somewhere, even if they weren't at our side. You get a lot of people going "You aren't a real fan if..."

I'm going to create a set of fan rules.

1) To be a fan of a band doesn't mean you have to like the members. For instance, I've always thought Metallica were brilliant and extremely talented, but I don't like Lars Ulrich as a person. That doesn't detract from the fact that he is talented as fuck, though.

2) To be a fan of a band doesn't mean you have to like every album. I like Asking Alexandria, but I think their first album sucked.

3) To be a fan of a band doesn't mean you have to like their fanbase. I mean, there are a lot of 5SOS fans that hate the 5SOS fandom. 

4) To be a fan of a band doesn't mean you have to hate on people who aren't. E.G, I bought 'The Black Parade' by My Chemical Romance and my friend told me she couldn't stand them because they were too emo. We're still friends. I don't give a fuck- I like MCR, and that's all that matters.

5) To be a fan of a band doesn't mean you have to justify everything they do, or constantly be at their defense. When Justin Bieber was arrested for being under the influence, a load of Beliebers were like "It's only a DUI, it's only a DUI!"
He could have fucking killed someone. That's not OK. Get your shit together.

6) To be a fan of a band doesn't mean you can't have a favourite song by them. I like (the old) Panic! at the Disco, but I like The Ballad of Mona Lisa more than any of their other songs.

7) To be a fan of a band doesn't mean your favourite song of theirs can't be their most famous song. I love Of Mice and Men, but my favourite song is Second and Sebring, their most famous song. It's still a good song. 

8) To be a fan of a band doesn't mean you want them to be globally famous. Sometimes its nice to be a fan of a band that isn't famous enough to attract poser fans or fake fans.

9) To be a fan of a band doesn't mean you can't think that any of the members are attractive.

FURTHERMORE

1) You are not a fan of a band if you like their looks more than you do their music.

2) You are not a fan of a band if you send hate mail to their friends/girlfriends/boyfriends that you don't like.

3) You are not a fan of a band if you say- "You can't like them, I like them.", I've done this before, and then realised I was being a fucking twat and apologised.

4) You are not a fan of a band if you only know one song. If someone asks you "Do you like (Paramore) you simply reply "I only know (Misery Business) but I really like it."

I realise this was a kind of petty article. Oh well, comment your opinions.

I thought this Danny Worsnop/ Ben Bruce/ Justin Bieber meme was topical and necessary.

UR ALL GONA GO 2 HELL!1!!!1

OK. So, today I was watching the music channel and a load of tour films. One of which was Straight To DVD, All Time Low's tour film.
During one point of the film, there were a bunch of people protesting against the band holding up signs like "GOD HATES FAGS!", and "GOD HATES YOU!" etc etc. Crazy people.
They were all members of the Westboro Baptist Church. They are, in essence an extremist group. Before you all scream your lungs out at me, I am quite away that the majority of religious people aren't like this, but there are some that are.
Anyway. Apparently the group were protesting because of All Time Low's (and I quote) 'sexually ambiguous look' referencing the fact that they have fringes and wear skinny jeans.

The church claimed that ATL as a band are "gender-confused, haphazard freakazoids and a negative influence."

Bear in mind, this is what All Time Low look like. They're actually all quite hot. Certainly not gender-confused haphazard freakazoids.

Like, literally what the fuck?!

Alex Gaskarth, frontman, replied "If embracing all lifestyles will lead me to hell, then I'll see you all there. It's gonna be one happy and tolerant inferno."

I'm not the biggest ATL fan. I'm not the biggest Alex Gaskarth fan. But wow. I couldn't have put it better myself. Someone buy that guy a fucking drink. 

The Baptist church themselves rally against gay marriage on a regular basis. They're fucking twats.

Perhaps I am already bias due to the fact that I am an avid gay marriage supporter (BTW, FUCK OFF, I'M A STRAIGHT WOMAN, I JUST DON'T HATE ON PEOPLE WHO CAN'T HELP WHO THEY ARE) and atheist but this entire scenario makes me blood boil. I have no bones to pick with religious people, but people who are intolerant without reason don't belong on this blog. I'm extremely vocal.

ITS 2014 PEOPLE, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. I'M AWARE THIS INCIDENT OCCURED A FEW YEARS BACK BUT THE WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH IS STILL IN PRACTICE

Oh Dear, I Like Metal, Now I Worship Satan

I think the title of this post explains a lot. Just before I begin, NO, I do not worship Satan. Worshiping Satan would effectively be buckling under and admitting that there is a supernatural force that influences our universe, and I don't like being wrong. I'm an atheist.

Satanists
Their shared features include symbolic association with or admiration for Satan, who Satanists see as a liberating figure. It was estimated that there were 50,000 Satanists in 1990. There may be as many as one hundred thousand Satanists in the world.

This definition has quickly been revamped to;

Satanists
People who like heavy music.

These things are very different. Now I found a series of articles explaining that metalheads are ALL effectively Satan worshipers.

"Well, only very few people worship Satan openly and consciously.  A great number of people worship Satan indirectly without them knowing it. There are lots of musicians and bands out there whose songs directly or indirectly hail Satan and by participating in the singing of such songs you will be worshiping Satan, yet being completely unaware. I did a search on metal bands and to my utmost surprise I found out that most, if not all, of the metal bands represent Satan and Satanism (the worship of Satan)."

Taken from a completely troll-free Christian article. This was someone's serious belief.

The examples of 'Satanic bands' use in this article were bands such as Slayer, and Black Sabbath. However, people even think the WAY less heavy bands are still Satan worshiping.

"Known for their uncanny choice of tight-fitted clothing and mop-shag hair stylings, the band Asking Alexandria has attracted many fans who are addicted to the occult.  Journey to the food court of your local mall and you will see countless herds of unruly teenagers walking around hand in hand, boys in tighter jeans than a Vegas showgirl, eye-makeup and blood-red lipstick smeared over the necks of one another — no matter the gender — as they commonly engage in neck-lusting sessions of blood and sniffed drugs between the tables at Chic-Filet and Johnny Rockets.

These kids are the same volatile group that are addicted to JKR Rowling’s bloodbath series, Twilight.  And by no coincidence, when you hear the music produced by this band you can tell it is of Satan and celebrates vampire worship and LSD-ridden blood orgies."

If you haven't noticed, my current band obsession is Asking Alexandria. It was Bring Me The Horizon about a week and a half ago.
Anyway.

"In the following song, A Moment of Sincerity, you can hear a human’s voice go from normal to possessed. Is this Satan whispering secret commands to his followers, the fans of this band?"

Also on Asking Alexandria- Asking Alexandria from the Final Episode era. Asking Alexandria, when they were still a really shitty scene band.

Come one people. I like a heavy bassline, I'm not part of the occult.